How to Cope When Labor Doesn't Go As Planned
When you and your partner found out you were expecting a baby, you had a plan in place. You read books. Listened to podcasts. Heard stories from family, friends, and coworkers. And the doctor’s appointments and prenatal classes were never missed.
It’s natural to think about how the birth of your baby will go, and try to do everything you can to help it go smoothly. But no matter how far ahead you look, how many classes you attend, or how well you prepare, sometimes things don’t always go according to plan. This can leave you with feelings of disappointment, anger, overwhelm, and even guilt and failure. This is how to cope when labor doesn’t as planned.
Understand Why the Plan Changed
Every birthing parent wants control over their options when they have a baby. After all, this is your body we’re talking about. But the reality is that there are many different factors that contribute to how labor goes, and most of those are out of our control. If your labor didn’t exactly go according to plan, it might be helpful to set aside some time to process the experience. While you may not have been able to make the final call in the moment, it’s important to get a better understanding of what happened and why it happened. Make time to write down your birth story. Talk to your partner about their experience. It can be really helpful to set up a time with your labor and delivery team to discuss why they made certain decisions. This can help you walk through all the different decisions that were made so you can understand why labor & birth took the trajectory it did.
Take Time For Yourself
Labor requires a lot of work from your body. It’s important to take time to rest, heal and recover after giving birth. This is especially true if the labor and delivery didn’t go exactly as you would have hoped or if there were parts of the birth that were physically or emotionally traumatic. A certain amount of grief is involved, and it’s important to process that. Give yourself extra time and support if you had a traumatic birthing experience or one that varied from the plan that you had in place. It’s important to take the time to take care of yourself so you can get back to feeling 100% again. This is easier said than done with a newborn who might not be sleeping well - so taking care of yourself might require leaning on folks around you. This can be super vulnerable, but it’s important so that you can recover from labor and process all the changes you’ve been through.
Acknowledge How You Feel
Your birthing experience is unique to you. While many people go through childbirth, no two stories are exactly the same. Childbirth can be a miracle and a blessing, but it can also be challenging, traumatic, and emotionally and physically draining. You might feel like there’s so much that’s out of your control, like your body is not your own, like you are failing as a parent. However you’re feeling is ok. Whether you’re feeling positive emotions, negative emotions, or a combination of the two, it’s so important to give yourself space to feel and acknowledge all of it. The sooner you admit to yourself how you’re feeling, the sooner you’ll be able to sort through all of those thoughts and feelings. Making time and space to do this will help you move forward in your life again with feelings of fulfillment.
Seek Additional Support
Going through pregnancy and the labor and delivery process is far from an easy feat. No matter how many months you spend planning and prepping. Welcoming a child into the world can be a miracle, beautiful, and wonderful. It can also be traumatic, exhausting, and overwhelming, especially if all that hard planning work has to shift at the last minute. The labor and delivery process doesn’t always go exactly as you might have imagined and hoped. You’re not alone if you’re struggling to deal with how your labor and delivery went. Therapy can be a supportive place to process the complicated aftermath of a difficult labor. Please feel free to reach out today to learn more about postpartum counseling if you’re looking for additional support and guidance during this time.